We had evicted a nightclub operator and were taking him to court to collect a financial judgement.  This was a conversation in the courthouse hallway before the hearing.

Tenant’s attorney:  We’d like to settle this account with you right now.  Here is a spreadsheet showing the arrangements.  You’ll need to write-off a portion of the balance due and my client will make payments on the rest of it over a period of time.

Me:  I’m sorry but I can’t accept those terms.

Tenant:  What?  Why not?  You made an almost identical offer to me a couple of months ago!

Me:  Yeah, months ago.  Before you made us go through the entire eviction process.  Not only do you owe more because you delayed everything but we also have legal expenses now on top of that.

Tenant:  How can you do this to me?  I thought we were friends.

Me:  Friends?   The last time I saw you was when I was at the club to change the locks and I had to call the police to protect me and the locksmith from your menacing employees.  You said you wanted to take me out back and shoot me.  We are not friends.

Tenant:  Oh that bothered you?  That was just business talk!