A tenant came to meet with me and told me how he’s not going to be able to pay the rent next month because his business is suffering.  Tells me about how sales are typically lower that month but this year is the worst yet.  Goes into a long story about how he’s struggling to make payroll, about how his outside sales force are on vacation or out on medical leave and it’s hurting the bottom line, goes into a long sad tale about how he’s not taking a paycheck and it’s causing stress in his marriage, etc. His shoulders were drooping and he seemed very depressed and his voice was raspy and quiet.  He seemed completely beaten down.

Me:  I’m really sorry to hear things are so bad.  I don’t know how I can help though.  The landlord is going to expect the rent on the first of the month.

Tenant: Maybe I can scrape together 1/2 of the rent by the 10th of the month.  Could you ask the landlord if I could pay the rest next month?  I just need a little time in order to get the cash together.  Just a little time to save my business!

Me:  I don’t know about that.  Did you set any reserves aside to get you through this slow month?

Tenant:  I did, I did!  I just didn’t know how bad it was going to be.  That’s how I can pay 1/2 of the rent.  It’s all I have right now!  I told you that I’m not taking a penny out of the business.  I just need a month or two get back on my feet.  I don’t want to lay off anyone or close up the business.

Me:  Okay, okay.  I’ll talk to the landlord and see what can be done.  I can’t promise anything though.

Tenant:  Thank you so much!  I really appreciate it!  I need to know by the end of the day if you can do this deal on the rent. Okay?

Me:  Today?  I don’t know if I can do that.  I need to put together some information for the landlord and schedule a conference call.  Why the rush?

Tenant:  I must have an answer today because I’m leaving first thing in the morning.

Me:  Leaving?

Tenant:  Oh yeah, it’s my wedding anniversary!  I’m taking my wife to Tahiti!

Me:  Really ?

Obviously the tenant mistook my sarcastic tone for sincere interest in hearing about his dream vacation.  He suddenly got very excited and animated and told me all the details in a rush of talking.

Tenant:  Yeah, it’s an amazing trip!  Just amazing!  We’re going to fly for 10 hours to an exclusive 5 star resort.  We’ll be staying in one of those huts out over the ocean?  The ones with a glass floor?  We’ll be assigned our own private butler and chef while we’re there!  Can you believe it?  We’re gonna go out on a chartered boat for a couple of days of scuba diving.  The water there is crystal clear!  My wife doesn’t know it but I’ve upgraded the diamonds in her wedding ring too and I’m going to surprise her with it while having a candlelit dinner on the beach.  It’s going to be amazing!

Me:  You know what?  I think I can give you the answer about the rent right now without bothering to talk to the landlord.  The rent will be due on the first of the month as usual.

Tenant:  What?  Why?  Is it just because I’m going on vacation?

Me:  Yes.  Of, course.

Tenant:  You really are a hard person!  I’m telling you about all the love I have for my wife and you turn that around into a cold business decision.  You hate seeing people being happy!

Me:  Actually, I hate being lied to.

Tenant:  Well the joke is on you!  Good luck collecting the rent when I’m a million miles away on a beach with my wife! HA!

Me:  That’s okay.  I’ll serve the Notice to Pay or Quit on your office while you’re gone.  I’ll leave it with the receptionist or whoever is there that day.

Tenant:  YOU CAN’T DO THAT!  They’ll freak out and think I can’t pay the rent!  They’ll tell people I’m going out of business!  I really will lose my business!  It’ll be your fault!

Me:  Maybe you should just pay the rent?

Tenant:  I’ll pay it!  But only because you’re threatening me!  I’m paying under duress!  You’re trying to ruin my trip but I won’t let you!  My wife and I will be happy in spite of you!

Me:  Bon Voyage!