I received a call from a woman who was kicking off a new business venture making organic, paleo, non-GMO, heidihidiho bla bla bla nut butters.  She was looking for something with an existing commercial kitchen space and was on a really tight budget.

Me:  I do happen to have a small space with a commercial kitchen already built out in it.  It was a cupcake shop but maybe you could make the space work out for your needs?  It’s located at SuperOld Shopping Center.  It’s 800 square feet and the rent is only $1.00 per square foot, which is extremely cheap, but that is because we can only do a month to month agreement on it.  The shopping center is going to be completely demolished in the next year or two so the landlord isn’t willing to do longer term leases.  Is that something that might work for you?

Lady Nuts:  That is perfect for my budget and the location is really convenient too.  I’m not concerned about the month to month deal because when my business takes off then I’d be looking to buy a building anyways.  People keep asking for my nut butters so I know this is going to be a huge success.

Me:  That might work out really well for you. Also, because of the pending demolition plans for the property, the space will be only rented in as-is condition.  That means you’ll have to take it just as it is, the landlord won’t be fixing anything up or guaranteeing anything on it.  You’ll want to really inspect everything closely and make sure you’re prepared for the risks.

She said she understood and later we met at the space so she could check it out.  She took a lot of pictures and measurements.  I reminded her again that it was a month to month agreement due to the pending demolition and she’d be taking the space without any improvements.  She filled out an application and I sent her a rental proposal that outlined the terms we had discussed.  After she signed the proposal I quickly followed up with rental agreement.

I called her after a few days to see if she had any questions about the rental agreement.

Lady Nuts:  Everyone is asking about my nut butters! I need to get into the space and get started!

Me:  Have you looked over the rental agreement?

Lady Nuts:  I need to look inside the space one more time with my boyfriend.  He wants to see it first.

Me:  Of course!  This is a big step.  You probably should have a contractor or consultant look at it also to make sure everything complies with your specific health department needs and to figure out what sort of construction work you’ll need to do to get the space ready.

Lady Nuts:  I know, I know!  I’ve got to get this started quickly! Everyone wants my nut butters!

I set up a meeting with her and the boyfriend.  Then her dad.  Then her friends.  Then her contractor (finally!).  And then another boyfriend (she broke up with the first one). Each time she’d spend an hour or so in the space talking about her plans, taking pictures and measuring things.  I’d remind her every time that it was a month to month rental agreement due to the demolition plans and that the space was being rented in as-is condition.  She’d also rave on about how she needed to move very very quickly because everyone wants her nut butters but she was never ready to sign the rental agreement.

After two months of talking and tours and repeatedly providing her with copies of the agreement I had chalked it all up to a waste of time.  She wasn’t ready to take the next step and that happens sometimes with new business ventures.  Dreams don’t always work out as planned.

Then she called and was very excited.  She had secured a business loan and was in a rush because the lender wanted to make sure she had a commercial kitchen space before they’d move forward.

Me:  That sounds like great news for you.  Okay then, you’ll need to sign the rental agreement and get that to me along with your security deposit.  Then it’ll take about a week to get the landlord’s signature and then you can get the keys. All of this is also explained in the letter that I sent with the agreement.

Lady Nuts:   I’ll get everything to you right away!  People keep asking about my nut butters so now I can finally get into production!

Days went by without a word from her.   Then a woman I never met before came to the office with a package for me.  I came out to talk with her at the reception desk.

Nuts Friend:  This is the contract for you from Lady Nuts.  She’s at the bank and needs you to sign this right now so I can take it to her.

Me:  I’m so sorry but I can’t sign the rental agreement.  I explained that to Lady Nuts already. It’ll take about a week to get the landlord’s signatures.

Nuts Friend:  Oh my god!  She is going to freak out!  She is at the bank!  She needs this immediately!

Nuts Friend then proceeds to text Lady Nuts and read the messages to me.

Nuts Friend reading texts:  Why can’t you sign the contract?

Me:  I just explained that.  Can’t you just tell her without making me dictate a reply to you?

Nuts Friend reading texts:  Can you give me the keys?

Me:  No.

Nuts Friend reading texts:  You have the contract.  Why can’t you sign it?

Me:  I’m not doing this anymore.  Have her call me or come by the office and we’ll figure this out.

Nuts Friend reading texts:  I’m at the bank right now.  I need the contract signed right now.  I need to open my business.

Me:  We’re done here.  I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this.  She should call me.

After I got back to my desk I opened the package and found that she had signed everything correctly but there was no security deposit AND she had scribbled a lot of significant changes onto the rental agreement. Then she called.

Lady Nuts:  What is going on?  I need the contract signed right now!  I.  Am.  At.  The.  Bank!

Me:  Yes, I know you’re at the bank.  But I had no idea that this all needed to happen today or I could have helped you avoid this confusion.  I told you that it takes a week or so to get the landlord’s signatures but you also made a lot of changes to the agreement and they won’t be able to sign it this way.

Lady Nuts:  I had to make those changes or the bank wouldn’t give the loan.  Sorry, but that is just how it has to be.  I can’t wait any longer to get my business open because people are asking for my nut butters!

Me:  But the changes you made to the agreement aren’t acceptable. You changed the month to month tenancy to a 20 year lease term.  You wrote down the side of the page that the landlord has to install a bunch of new  equipment and add plumbing and a lot of other big construction items.  That isn’t possible in this location.  We’ve gone over this repeatedly.  You agreed to the terms and now you’re changing things.  This isn’t going to work.

Lady Nuts:  WHAT?  I’m at the bank!  Don’t tell me now that you won’t rent to me!

Me:  That’s not what I said.  I’ll rent to you on the terms that we agreed upon.  Month to month, cheap rent, take it as-is.  If you can’t agree to that then you’ll need to look elsewhere.

Lady Nuts:  This is outrageous!  I’m at the bank right now trying to open up my nut butter business and you’re telling me all of this now?  I must have a long lease to make my investment worthwhile!  The place is a total dump and you have to fix it up because that is the law!  You can’t back out on me now or I’ll sue you!  I’ll sue you for all the lost revenue from my nut butters!  People are asking for my nut butters and I can’t get anything to them because you won’t let me open my business!

Me:  I’m sorry you’re upset but those are the terms for this space.  If you need a 20 year lease and a new commercial kitchen then you’ll need to find a different location.

She continued yelling into the phone and I ended the call.

Weeks later I got a call from a real estate broker asking about the old cupcake shop for a client who needed a small commercial kitchen for her exciting new start up venture. I asked if it was for a nut butter business and he was surprised that I had heard about it.

Me:  Oh yes, everyone is asking about her nut butters!